Sidequest: Reincarnating Grutt
19th of Nightal, 1374 DR As told by Zuk With the Ogre slain we did not notice immediately that Grutt was not standing up, quickly healing like he should have been. By the time we did notice Grutt was dead several minutes had gone by. We had looted the ogre’s corpse, his treasure chest, eaten some of the oger'es choicer body parts, and ordered the guards to bring us whoever was in charge. To be quiet honest, I was very pleased that Grutt was dead. He had been a burden and a hindrance to our quest, I was a verrrry happy orc. I noticed what looked like a tear in Krunc's eyes. An orc female walked into the room. We looked at her in confusion ( I must explain to some of you so called ‘more cultured’ races; in an orc tribe, females are useful for breeding with, cooking, and taking care of the offspring; they are never in a position of power). Krunc began to slick back his hair, Gruumsh only knows why. “So you are the ones who have defeated Orgoth, and now who among you will lead this tribe” she says to us. Before I can even begin to formulate my thought Krunc steps forward, “Thank you I am this tribes leader, let it be known that Krunc Dragon Shaman is now leading this tribe.” Now, I really didn't want this position. First of all this band of orcs allowed a non-orc to lead them. Something Gruumsh would frown heavily upon. Second, I asked the guards to bring us someone in charge, they brought us a female orc. I fear for this tribe, they are not following the ways of Gruumsh and have grown soft. This explains why the guards did not help in the attack on Orgoth the ogre. I suspect that Grutt would still be alive if the cowardly orc guards had aided us. I shall make an example of them. I notice that Krunc is pointing at Gorm, telling of his strength and exploits, I see the look in Gorm’s eyes, another tribe that he can lead. Krunc fitting right in, already seeking power. No. The easy chain of cause and effect runs through my head. We will never leave this place. Our lives as adventurers are over. Here in this **** hole I will never learn what I must in order to live for eternity. The green dragon Vaectorfinyairuxo had figured out the secrets to lichdom, I too want to live forever. If I want to live forever I must keep searching the world for lost tomes, I must keep adventuring. I must get Krunc and Gorm to leave. Yet I know they won't... I can lead them out of here but how? I look at Grutt’s body, laying on the floor, blood just now beginning to solidify. I in a flash of brilliance realize that he who is Grutt was the glue who held us together in our revenge. If he were to return, surely we would venture away from this girly clan of, I dare say, orcs. In order for us to continue we would have to seek out powerful divine magic to reincarnate his body. I have heard of druids and clerics with the ability to return life to the dead. I had already begun to formulate my plan. I would demand that Gorm and Krunc in the name of Gruumsh, seek out a way to bring back to life Grutt, so that we may continue our adventure. Speaking up I ask the girl orc shaman, “Do you know of any druids in the area.” She looks slightly surprised, “Actually our scouts recently returned did say something about a druid twisting the forest and returning it to nature, why do you ask?” I glare at her, “Leave, and return with the male orc who is the strongest, I don’t know how this clan was run by Orgoth, but in an Orc clan I will summon you when I need something cooked, or maybe if Gorm is in one of his moods” We all look at Gorm, who was in the process of reaching deeply down his pants and scratching something filthy. Quickly he took his hand out of his pants and tried to slick back his bald head, while grinning. She departs with haste and eventually another orc strolls in. His name was Old Yarik apparently because of his age. He tells us about the peace allegiance they made with the Troglodytes. I glare at him in anger. “Where in the doctrine of Gruumsh does it talk about making peace with other races? This tribe has the mentality of elves, and by Gruumsh I will not allow it!” I ask if they at least have any prisoners. A male human and a female gnome are brought before us. I smile at them and ask them if they have any skills useful to this tribe, that I allow them to live, I mean Krunc the leader... Krunc nods approvingly. Apparently they don’t speak orc. “Why useful to clan, allow you to live” Krunc asks. The human is dumber than Grutt, he just keeps muttering about a half-orc that will return to save them. I laugh and ask them if he had a map that looked like this. (I show them the map we got from the half-orc we killed) The human doesn’t figure it out, the gnome does. Apparently they were waiting for adventurers to save them, I will save them. For dinner. Later in the dining hall, we announce that we are leaving. The scouts return from their week long hunt and are surprised at the news. I tell them that we will be leaving at once to find this druid who can restore life to Grutt, so that we may continue on our adventure to avenge our tribe and Gruumsh! Before we leave Krunc turns Grutt’s body into rations. We all get a good laugh at the idea of Grutt eating himself later. Apparently this wooded area is five days away. We press forth with haste jogging for many miles each day through the cold of the far north. There are five of us, Gorm, Krunc, myself, and two of the orc scouts. Most days we run without ever seeing another living soul. We talk about the weak state of the tribe, and what we can do to make sure they survive as orcs should, without us, when we leave. Our plan is to wage war against the troglodytes further in the cave and to bring one young aspiring warrior along with us, so that he may see what being an Orc really means. 24th of Nightal, 1374 DR We arrive in the woods and make our way deeper to find this druid. While I have no problem with druids they always have a problem with the undead. I’ll hide my aspirations. The woods themselves seem to lead us to him, he see’s us before we see him. He is wearing the holy symbol of Malar, god of the hunt. He announces in common, “I have been expecting you”. I walk forward unafraid of this cloaked figure. “We have traveled many leagues to seek you out, we are here to ask that you restore body and soul to Grutt, so that we may seek out our revenge against the dracholich who has betrayed us.” He has a look on his face, (which Gorm tells me later was a look of shock, as if he would never expect orcs to ask such a thing) ignoring the look I say, “but you already knew that because you were expecting us.” He smiles, “actually this is perfect, I will do this favor for you, in return I need you to slaughter some pesky elves that have taken residence in my woods, you see I am trying to restore the natural order here, that nature may return to the way it once was, the way it’s suppose to be. Other druids in the region are opposing me, however they do not realize I am here. This is why I ask you to attack these elves, so that when there bodies are found, they will be taken for a mere orc raiding party. If I were to do it myself, others would see that the bodies were attacked by animal, I would give myself away” Krunc , grinning “You had me at elves” We all agree, we are off, to kill elves! The druid has two wolves lead us to where they are, on the way there we discuss the point system for killing elves. They leave us alone in the woods after two miles. I tell one of the two orc scouts to scout forward. He gets about twenty feet whenn suddenly one of the trees attacks slashing into the scout. Elves start appearing from behind trees seemingly ready for our attack. Gorm runs in wildly swinging his long sword at an elf who easily parries his wild swing. I chuck a javelin at the tree and watch as it harmlessly passes through the mostly leaves and branches; normal weapons won't work. The orc scout begins to engage it with his flail when two arrows slam into his back; he crumples to the ground. I yell out to Krunc that we need VIGOR!! Then to the orc scout I tell him to slay the elf with the bow. Krunc charges in screaming "Vigor" and stumbles forward clumsily swinging his great axe hitting nothing but air. I notice the tree begins to do something odd with its branches (I found out later it put Gorm to sleep) I charged in and begin to wrestle with the tree, channeling negative energy into it the leaves and branches begin to fall and it begins to moan. At this point Gorm is getting wailed into, he somehow was on the ground and two elves are standing above him wailing on him with weapons. Standing up ignoring their repeated attacks a look of pure insanity passes over his eyes. He begins to scream, froth and saliva spittle forth from his mouth. Meanwhile the orc scout I had sent to kill the archer didn’t even make it half way before two arrows found themselves buried into his body. The tree is busy scratching me, but I can barely feel it, I have figured out how to alter my body so that it behaves more like an undead creature. Gorm cleaves through the elf and takes a five foot step over towards me. I’m wrestling with the tree still when he chops through the very base with one swing. (Guess it can be hurt by weapons) The tree dead, I hear Krunc calling for help, pulling out my scythe I leap over a dead elf and I can swing my scythe as hard as I could. Unbelievable I miss, the elf stands tall about to swing at me with his sword when the top half of his body slides backwards followed moments later by his bottom half falling forward. (New record 46 points of damage) I smile at Krunc, “1 point for me, 0 for Krunc Krunc angrily charges past Gorm who has in his screaming rage cleaved another elf, cleanly removing his head from his body. I watch in pride as Krunc slams his great axe into the archer ending him. We high-five each other and wait for Gorm to calm down. Man he looks messed up, luckily his wounds heal and eventually the orc scouts stand up as well. We begin to eat our respective kills when the druid shows up. “I will uphold my end of the bargain since I feel that I may have future use for you, do you have what I need to cast the spell” “Um.. what? “You didn’t bring his body? “No, why would we need his body? At this point even I can tell he looks mad. “Well looks like you orcs are out of luck, in order to cast the spell I need at least some part of his body. There probably isn’t enough time to go back and get it either, touch luck to you chaps” He begins to walk away. I look down defeated, no it wasn’t supposed to happen this way. Gorm is gripping his longsword in a way that will probably kill us all, he's about to attack the druid. Maybe it’s for the better. One of the scouts pulls out his rations and begins to eat as one of you might pull out a tub of popcorn to watch a movie, we of course would not allow them to dine on elves since you get to eat only what you kill. It’s then I remember, we have the salted rations made from the remains of Grutt. “Wait We have what you need!” I pull out a hunk of meat, salted and wrapped. He looks down at it and asks me if I’m sure that this was from Grutt. If he reincarnates a deer he tells us that we will never leave this forest alive. “By Gruumsh … and Malar I swear this to be Grutt Rations that we prepared so that he may have food when he comes back!” “He glares at me, very well then" and he begins to cast the spell We watch for ten minutes as he chants out to Malar, rubbing ointments and occasionally pouring oils over it. After ten minutes he rest. We look around waiting expectantly, nothing happens. “Where is he” Krunc demands. The druid looks annoyed, the spell takes time just wait, don’t worry I won’t leave until he gets here. I have never actually casted this spell before and I’d like to see what happens. An hour passes, we pass the time eating elf and telling jokes. Finally a brilliant white light appears, we stare in awe as the light slowly fades. It takes a while for us to see again, as our vision is not accustomed to such bright lights but when we do we see sleeping in the snow, a naked female Halfling. We keep talking and eating, I say “the druid summoned us a snack while we wait, that was very thoughtful” Then we notice the druid smiling and beginning to leave. Gorm puts down his elf casserole he made using the elf skulls as a makeshift bowl and stands up. “Tree man you messed up!” he screams in common. I look back at the Halfling in confusion then at Gorm. Did he figure out something that I’m missing? The Halfling wakes up. I ask aloud "where’s Grutt?” The druid says, “I have finished my purpose here, I wish you great orcs nothing but the best.” The Halfling standing at 2’8’’ looks around…. and says in orcish, “I don’t want to play anymore” “Where’s Grutt” I say again, still not getting it. Insert Date With the druid gone I looked upon the small female halfling. Lucky my stomach was full otherwise Grutt's return would have been very short lived. "who did the druid bring back to life" I ask Gorm. Gorm shakes his head and tells me "That is Grutt" We all look at Grutt who speaks, "What's wrong guys" in perfect orcish. I begin to laugh. "Grutt, you're looking a little... cold" I say. He asks us why we're so tall now and why it's so dark out. Poor Grutt, I'll let him figure it out for himself. But man, how are we going to travel around with a halfling i think to myself. We have nothing to equip her with. I begin to ponder our choices when I realize that we have an easy way to walk into and out of the human cities buying and selling what we need to get our revenge. Surely this is a blessing in disguise from Gruumsh! I tell Grutt that we're going to hook him up with some cool weapons. Weapons? he says. Yeah, you remember we have to avenge Gruumsh right? He looks confused, "Who's Gruumsh?" he asks. We all look around nervously. Krunc says, "Don't worry about it buddy you'll remember" I tell Grutt he should ride in my backpack surrounded by the winter blanket I have. The dumb scout asks aloud why we aren't eating the halfling. I glare at him, he's holding a knife and fork in his hands looking to feast. Krunc bellows outloud, "What kind of self respecting orc uses silverwear you are a disgrace!" Man what is wrong with this tribe of orcs. Who uses silverwear?! I stroll up and hit him across the face. "The halfling is an orc, I don't get it either so shut up and stop asking questions" This shuts him up. Good. I find out for the first time that the two scouts with us are named Wark and Thark. "Thark I say, where is the closest human settlement, we will travel their immediately and use this gold we have no need for to buy weapons and armor fitted for a smaller creature. "There are two settlements actually, the closest one is called Heliogabalis, it's about two days travel from here only slightly out of our way back to the tribe." He begins to blather on about the political structure of the city. He mentions something about a 'seat' that someone sits on. Krunc says loudly, "How big is this seat! Does a Giant live in the city?!" Thark looks at us funny. Wark is still looking confused at the halfling. I outline my plan, we'll send Grutt in with a note. On the note will be a list of things he needs to buy. Grutt you will not talk that much okay? "I only speak Orc" He tells me. I slap my head, damn't you're just as stupid as you used to be. "Okay I'll teach you some words in common, like "blacksmith and Tailor" " Let's move out I tell the other orcs. We begin to move through the snow, it's night and it's not that bad of a trip. I'm feeling stronger than I have ever felt in my life. Suddenly my tranquil mind is interrupted by Grutt's feminine voice, "Zuk, Zuk Did you say something? Gorm is that you? What's going on, who's what's, what voice is inside my head?!" We all stop, I'm immediately annoyed. He's just messing with me I know it! "Snow Angel!!!" i bellow before I just back plant myself into the snow and moving my arms around. That shut her up. We rest the first night; we feed grutt's rations to Grutt. We tell him that he's eating his own body. With her mouth full she says, that's disgusting, and keeps eating. We make Wark keep watch all night by himself and we go to sleep. Once the sun sets we wake up. Krunc hunts us some grub and we move out. We get to the city many hours before the sun rises. Okay Grutt, I say, You will go in and buy some clothes so you're not naked. Krunc clears his throat... I ignore him and continue, "Grutt you need clothes so you don't draw notice to yourself so you need to go buy some clothes. Can you say Tailor?" Gorm leans in and mentions that I'm suggesting that Grutt travel into the city naked and then buy clothes. Hmm... he has a point. We need to find him some clothes. Oh.. Wait. Okay new plan I say. We'll wait out on this road for a caravan, attack them, clothe Grutt. Then send him into the city with a note of things to buy. It's flawless, how much money do we have? We pool our money together and find that it's really not that much. I cast detect magic on our all stuff to see if there is anything magical we can sell. I come up with a large rapier that radiates magic and a potion. We don't need a rapier sized for an ogre. We can sell that for better equipment. Okay Grutt you have to sell this, I'll give you a note. Remember Just ask for "blacksmight and Tailor". Grutt replies "Blacksmithandtailor" I realize that this is not ever, ever going to work. Grutt is just too stupid. Suddenly we're interrupted by a caravan passing through. Hastily we charge in to attack. There are several humans armed with longswords, a dwarf is riding shotgun and it's being led by a light horse. Perfect. We charge screaming through the morning light. The battle was pure magnificence. I quickly summoned Jakob to prevent the dwarf from taking off on the horse. The dwarf still tride to spur the horse to flee but myself and Krunc charged the small horse (I made sure to scream in dwarvish "FOOOOD") and with two chops slayed the horse. Krunc was just slicing through the humans like a club through a babies skulls. They eventually tride to flee. I tried yelling out in dwarven that it was okay and he wasn't going to be hurt. Maybe it was the javelin that hit him seconds after I said that but he didn't stop running. I heard Krunc bellow out his pre-charge bellow before attempting to jump over the horse... And failing. How clumsy he looked as he ate snow and gravel. Eventually Krunc diced through everyone. I hope the gold dragon was watching this fight through his sword. Man, pure magnificence. Well we were able to drag everything off the road and hide it out of sight. We went through everything and found four more potions. Everything else was trinkets or something. Bottles filled with strange liquids. I found paper and ink. I began to write out a list of things for Grutt to do when he reminds me that he can't read either. "Grutt I'm teaching you how to speak Common and read and write, you can't be our diplomat if you can't talk to anyone And you can't read and right. You're just going to have to act like your smart and pretend you care about other people. Trust me Gruumsh wants us to kill everyone but we can't do it unless we can trick everyone into doing what we want, THEN bashing in their skulls. Since you look like a halfling you're our diplomat now and I'll have to teach you what to do otherwise you'll screw it up. But We don't have time now for that. How can we make this work i wonder aloud. The six of us puts our massive intellects together. Finally Krunc announces that he will disguise himself as a half-orc using the clothing of the fallen humans. Then he will sneak into the city with the halfling and complete all our transactions. We take hours meticulously making sure that the disguise is perfect. We give Krunc every gold piece we have and they leave. While they leave I rummage through the caravan, I can't find anything of interest. Krunc turns all the humans and the horse into rations. Then we wait.. and wait... I have to beat up Wark a couple of times for being annoying. He still doesn't understand why we don't eat the halfling. I can't believe that anyone is as dumb as wark. Well their is grutt. Eventually they came back. The 'special orders' Krunc put in were going to take some time. We waited the couple of days and finally Krunc went back to get everything. He loaded up on stuff and bought a bunch of things that apparently we needed. He came back with a new masterwork great axe for himself, a couple of tents some more clothing. Then he gave Grutt a masterwork chain shirt, a small masterwork battle axe, and a pink glittery towershield with a depiction of a unicorn. Grutt was confused at first and angry. Very angry. Gorm and I were doing our best to hold back our laughter. Krunc quickly proclaimed that they don't make great axes for small people, and the shield was really cheap, man look how strong that horse is! It has a sword on it's head!. Grutt eagerly bought up these lies. Awesome even my horse has a sword! Krunc then merrily tells us the tale about how he bluffed his way into the city, but that it was all almost ruined by Grutt. He had to tell the guards that Grutt was mute, which they bought. Everything was going great when right before they were in the Guard asked them where they were going. Krunc told us that in his hesitation to answer Grutt suddenly annouced, "Blacksmithandtailor" in common. Man Grutt really is dumb, but at least he's alive in heavy winter clothing and masterworked up right? Eventually we left and made our way back to the orc tribe. There are some troglodytes we have to deal with... (and that wussy tribe that we have to toughen up)